14. All is right in the world...Almost.

Hi, my name is Melanie and I’m happy to tell you that my life is back on track.

Where do I even begin?

Aaron and I are going four months strong and believe it or not, but I may be falling in love with him.

Leon and Ally are dating…finally. After I introduced them, there was no denying the chemistry between them.

But that the best part is…..*wait for it*…. I’m over Jeremy. Don’t roll your eyes, it’s true. I haven’t even seen him in the longest while, how great is that?

It may or may not have something to do with therapist I saw briefly during the break, or the sensei, or the fortune teller, or the spiritual consultant. Okay, so I saw a lot of people to help me find my path to happiness. At least, it worked.

I’m a whole new Melanie and nothing [and by ‘nothing’ I mean ‘no one’] is going to change that. Simple as that.

“Let’s go out.” Jamie said. “I haven’t had a drink in thirty-six hours. I think I’m going into withdrawal.”

I laughed “Alcoholic.”

“And proud of it.”

Ally was on her bed fiddling away at her phone and laughing.

“She’s texting Leon.” Jamie said.

“I know. It’s so nauseating to watch them.”

“You shouldn’t be complaining…you have a boyfriend.”

“I do, don’t I?” I smiled “I don’t deserve him, he’s so amazing.”

Jamie said, “You ladies are boring, are we going out or not? I’m suffocating in this room.”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re going out.” Ally said “Is it okay if Leon joins us?”

“No! It’s not okay. This is a girls’ night, you do know what the word ‘girls’ means, right?”

“No need to be grumpy, I get it.”

“She’s always grumpy.” I said.

Jamie smiled, “Someone call James, no one loves ‘Girls’ night’ like James does.”

“You do know what the word ‘girls’ means, right?” Allison retorted.

I packed up my books and headed to class the next morning, my head throbbed mercilessly from my hangover. I had missed this.

I had missed hanging out with my best friends and I had missed having feelings for Aaron and I had missed my life pre-Jeremy.

But now everything was back to normal; I had feelings for Aaron again, I was spending more and more time with my friends and I hadn’t seen Jeremy in forever.

I strolled from my room to class. I let myself enjoy the moment…who knew how long it would last.

I was at my class door when my phone rang, I didn’t recognize the number.

“Hello…”

“Melanie…Melly bear is that you? It’s your dad.”

“Dad?”

I stood immobilized at the class door, “dad?” I said again.

I could hear him breathing on the other end of the line; I hadn’t seen my father in over fourteen years after he walked out of my life on my sixth birthday.

For the longest time I blamed my mother for my dad leaving but deep down I always knew the truth…he was a coward. A big fat coward who ran the first chance he got.

“Fuck you!” I said just before ending the call.

I expelled those words; I hadn’t even realized I had been holding my breath.

I passed my hand through my hair in frustration. What was I supposed to do now? I couldn’t go pretending he was dead, that had always been the easiest solution.

What was I supposed to say if he called back? I had so many questions, too many questions. I wanted to hit him, I wanted to punch him, I wanted to fight him.

I backed away from the class door. I couldn’t take anything ruining the life I had just gotten to where I wanted it to be.

I spun around to run as fast as I could run to boyfriend’s room when I bumped into someone, causing both of us to fall to the ground.

“Melanie?” He said as he got up.

I sighed when I realized who it was. I couldn’t take anything ruining the life I had just gotten to where I wanted it to be.

He helped me up.

“It’s so good to see you.” He smiled.

I backed away from him, one step at a time. “I can’t do this right now.” I said “I can’t do this right now, Jeremy.”

With that, I spun around and ran on my heels.

Fuck! Holy fuck!

13. An Attempt To Make Things Right

It had been three days since I returned from Mexico and as much as I hated the idea, it was time to have the talk.

I knocked frantically on Leon’s door till he finally opened. He was standing in front of me in just a towel. “Go dress up, we need to talk.”

“So…” I said when he came back out in a t-shirt and shorts. “First of all, Hi.”

“Hi.”

“I like you, I really like you but not like that.” I just came out and said it. “I still want us to be friends but I don’t want things to be awkward.”

Leon laughed, “That’s just what I was thinking. I didn’t know how to say that to you in case it meant something to you…”

I laughed louder “It meant nothing to me. You were incredible and if I ever need to get laid badly and if neither of us are seeing anyone and I would probably call you. But that’s it, that’s all. No feelings.”

Leon hugged me, “Wow, that’s really good to hear. So let’s just keep this between us because I really think I might have a chance with Allyson.”

I smiled, that was a relief to hear, “You barely even know her.”

“We can change that.”

For a minute, we just stood there hoping everything was back to normal. What now?

“So, I realize I have nothing to say to Aaron, it’s so awkward when we hang out…”

After I left Leon’s, there was something nagging me intense. My actions within the past months had been very, for lack of a better word, slutty. I didn’t know who to talk to, I wanted someone that wouldn’t judge me; that would just listen and give me useful advice and be completely objective. My friends were no use there.

So I went to the only person I think of. Maggie.

“Let me get this straight, you’re dating one guy, in love with another and sleeping with a third one?”

“Not sleeping with a third one, I just slept with the third one…once.”

“Anyone I know?”

“No.” I lied. I didn’t think Maggie would like to know that I was in love with her grandson and had slept with her sister’s grandson.

“There’s nothing wrong with that.” she shrugged, then paused “Actually, there is…it’s incredibly whorish. But you’re twenty; in that case, it’s perfectly normal to be horny and confused. Nothing I’d be worried about.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, tea?” she didn’t wait for an answer as she poured some more tea into my tea cup.

“That is exactly what I wanted to hear.”

“On second thought, this behaviour could come from a place of deep psychological and emotional imbalance. But that’s just a second thought.”

Now that wasn’t what I wanted to hear. “Maggie…explain.”

“Your need for approval from the men you come across probably stems from an absentee father--” she started; she paused and took a sip from her tea which was probably spiked with Vodka. Mine wasn’t. “I suggest you see a therapist.”

“Why?”

“The fact that the second man in your life, the one you’re in love with, you say he chose someone else over you. That was the first time it had happened to you, right? The rejection must have sparked issues of abandonment you weren’t even aware you had. That’s why it’s so confusing. The only other man to reject you was your father, he walked out on you, right?” she didn’t wait for an answer, she just continued. “Until you see a therapist, you’re most probably going to sleep with a whole lot of other men. They will satisfy momentarily but none will fill the void and you’re just going to sleep around till the void is filled, I think I should tell you now…that won’t help.” She took another sip of her tea. “I suggest you see a therapist…or see your father. Get closure.”

I just sat there…dumbfounded.

“More tea?”

This was the first time in my life that I didn’t know what to do, okay that’s a lie. I always never know what to do but this time around I especially didn’t know what to do.

“Aaron is picking me up in a few, I’m sorry I can’t make it.” I told Ally and James. They had just asked me if I would like to go drinking with them.

“You’re not going to be one of those girls, right? The ones that stop hanging out with their friends once they get in a relationship.”

I put on my earrings. “No, that’s not me.”

“Then why have we barely seen any of you since you got together with Aaron?”

“It’s complicated.”

Ally just nodded and James threw a mini tantrum but as soon as Aaron arrived, I was out of there.

We had a pleasant evening. We had dinner, we talked, we fooled around a little and finally we were back to my dorm room.

Aaron pushed aside a stray lock of hair from my face and kissed me “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“I want to but…” I didn’t have an excuse. I just wanted to fall into my bed [alone] and have a good night’s rest.

“But what?”

“Tonight’s no good, tomorrow night I promise.”

Aaron popped an eyebrow and just stared at me, I smiled. “And I promise, I’ll have a special gift for you tomorrow, one that doesn’t come in a box. You’re gonna love it.”

Aaron beamed and took a step back from me, “In that case, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I reached for his hand and pulled him closer and kissed him before sending him on his way.

There was no one in my room when I entered. Perfect.

I took off my clothes and changed into something more comfortable before falling on my bed. I buried my head in my pillow and cried at the absurdity and ridiculousness of the life I was living.

I vaguely remembered being better than who I became, I was so much better. I had amazing friends, a healthy drinking habit and no boy trouble…and especially nobody recommending that I see a therapist. Now, I was avoiding my friends, not drinking as much as I was supposed to and excess of boy troubles, my life was turning into bullshit.

 I cried my eyes out for hours before I heard Ally and Jamie enter the room.

I pretended to be asleep as both girls prepared for bed.

Ally got into her bed and Jamie nudged at me enough to get into mine. She threw her arms around me and before long, she was in slumber land.

This was what my life had become and it’s all Jeremy’s fault. Yes, I’m blaming Jeremy for this.

Hi, my name is Melanie Melbourne…and I just want my life to return to normal.

12. Total Recall

Two days earlier

It was five o’clock in the morning; I stumbled into my hotel room laughing with Leon close behind me.

“We could live like this forever.” He said laughing as well.

I was drunk out of mind; I had drank with no limitations “Then let’s live like this forever, we never have to go back.”

“But I want to go back,” he slurred as he took off his shoes “I want you to hook me up with your friend Allyson, I think I might have a chance with her.”

I spun around, incredulous; almost falling in the process “You’ve barely even spoken to her.”

“What’s your point?” he looked up at me, if it was possible then he was drunker than I was. I doubt that was possible.

“We don’t need her.” I whispered, throwing myself into his arms. “You don’t need her and I don’t need Jeremy or Aaron. Look how happy we’ve been these past days without them; we could be enough for each other.”

“We could?”

“Yes, y..yes.” I stammered walking away from him “You’ll cook, I’ll clean or I’ll clean, you’ll cook or you’ll clean and I’ll cook.”

“What?”

I jumped on my bed. Leon followed me and tucked himself in beside me.

“We’ll figure it out.” I said. I was on the edge of passing out.

“We could be enough for each other?” he asked, saying the words slowly.

I turned to face him, “Of course, we don’t have to need anyone else. We’ll just get hurt; look at you and Lisa, look at Jeremy and I. Love stories never end well, look at Romeo and Juliet, Ophelia and Hamlet.”

“Shakespeare was a crappy writer.”

I slapped him lightly, “He was the greatest. He knew what he was talking about.”

I moved closer to Leon, he moved closer as well. “You know what, you’re right. You’re so smart.” He smiled.

I think that was what did it, the way he smiled so dopily. I leaned in and kissed him, I wasn’t even thinking.

He kissed me back and before I knew it, he was on top of me and I was struggling to take his shirt off. I succeeded.

In a slick move that only came from frequency, he pulled my tank top over my head. “Whoa, you’re hot.” He muttered drunkenly, as though it was the first time he’d noticed.

“No, no, no…you’re hot.” I giggled, still kissing him.

His hands were on my shorts; he trailed his kisses from my lips to my neck to my chest to my tummy…as he pulled off my shorts. Next thing to come off was my bra and then my panties; he stopped to look at me naked beneath him. He smiled again.

I pulled him back down to my lips; I loved the way his lips tasted. I nudged at his belt buckle, “Take them off.” I ordered.

I laughed as he struggled to take them off; he was so clumsy, it was cute. He got off the bed to take off his jeans, he was successful. He stood there in front me naked giving me time to admire him, it was necessary.

Before then, I had never seen Leon that way, even at that point I wasn’t sure I saw him that way. But dammit, he had the body of a Greek god.

He climbed the bed slowly, kissing parts of my body as he did so. And then he…

I woke up later cuddled in Leon’s arms. He kissed my hair as I stirred, I smiled. It felt so good that it actually took both of us a while to realize that we had done something wrong.

I was the one that sprung up first, slightly tipsy. I pulled one of the bed sheets with me as I stood up, “What the hell happened last night?”

The goofy grin faded off Leon’s face, “Melanie? Oh shit, what happened last night?”

I stared at him confused and then everything came to me. It came to him too.

“My God, Melanie, I’m so sorry. I took advantage of you.”

I hissed, “I’m a grown lady, Leon, I can’t let you take all the blame, I’m probably sure I instigated it.”

“But I should have known better.” He said getting up from the bed.

“We were both drunk.” I said as I frantically dressed up. “Let’s just go home, please.”

“You were great.” He said awkwardly.

What was I supposed to say to that, I decided to go with the truth “uh, so were you.”

As we drove home, every time I glanced over at Leon, I blushed. With every glance, I couldn’t put the night behind me. I remembered the way he touched me, the way he kissed me. The things he did to me, I didn’t even know some of those things existed, the others I suspected where probably illegal. And the feeling of him inside me…I blushed again

Leon looked over at me, attempted to say something and then decided against it, then turned back to wheel.

I just stared out of the window. It amazed me how long we had gone at it, that was my personal record; then I thought about my multiple orgasms, that was a first for me.

I became worried, had I satisfied him as much as he had satisfied me? Then I remembered the things I did to him [some of which made me never want to look at myself in the mirror again]…sure I had.

I looked over at Leon, I wanted to tell him that it had meant nothing to me because honestly, it hadn’t… but that just didn’t seem like the right thing to say.

We drove in awkward silence up till my dorm, there was nothing to say.

“Where have you been for the past three days? We’ve been worried sick? Hey I’m talking you, answer me!!!” Jamie shouted when I entered my room, she was in the room with Ally and James. I took off my sunglasses slowly and stared at them before ignoring them. I was so ashamed of myself; it just felt like they knew.

Ally looked at me “What happened to you?”

It took all I could to whisper, “I was in Mexico.”

11. What Happens In Mexico

“Where have you been for the past three days? We’ve been worried sick? Hey I’m talking you, answer me!!!” Jamie, who was sitting with Ally and James on Ally’s bed, shouted when I entered my room.

I took off my sunglasses slowly and stared at them before ignoring them. Hangover was a bitch!

“What happened to you?” Ally asked.

“I was in Mexico.” I whispered.

“Mexico?”

“I needed to get away, just for a while.”

“You partied hard without us? I’m hurt.” Jamie said.

“This isn’t about you Jamie, it’s about me. I just needed a little me time.”

“So you were alone?”

“No, I was with Leon, Jeremy’s cousin. We were both going through break ups.”

“You weren’t going through a break up. You have a boyfriend, his name is Aaron.”

I sighed. I had forgotten about him. I had left a message for Ally and Jamie letting them know I was going to be away for a few days but I hadn’t told Aaron anything, he must have been worried sick.

The banging in my head worsened, I just needed to lie down for a while. I made up my mind never to drink again, maybe, probably…probably not. “Just shut up, okay?”

“What happened to you?” Aaron asked when he saw me later that day.

“What? Do I look bad?”

“No, you look perfectly fine…Just different.” He said reaching in for a kiss “Where have you been?”

To lie or not to lie, “Nowhere, I was just a little sick and I didn’t want you to see me that way.” To lie.

“That’s why you wouldn’t pick up my calls?”

“I was embarrassed, forgive me?”

He looked me up and down and then smiled “You’re forgiven. Next time, when you’re sick, let me take care of you.”

“Fine.”

There was a moment of awkward silence, what was I supposed to say? What did girlfriends say to their boyfriends?

Aaron looked at me and smiled, he didn’t have anything to say either.

“Let’s have dinner tonight, I’ve missed you.”

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

As I prepared to go out for dinner, I looked at my reflection in my mirror; Aaron was right, I did look different.

My dirty blonde hair was now brunette, I had gotten a dye job in Mexico; I was thinner, I had lost a few pounds from all the drinking, not eating, not getting enough sleep and of course, the endless partying and now I had a tattoo on my ankle, it was an image of tinkerbell.

I looked at it, what the hell was I thinking?

As I applied my makeup, I thought about my time in Mexico. It had been…eventful.

It had started out fun and great and was everything I wanted it to be; then I went and messed it all up, I always mess everything up. I take after my mother that way.

“Mate,” a heard a voice behind me, it was Jamie. I hadn’t even heard her come in “You look amazing.” She said.

She looked at me up and down.

“Thank you.” I swallowed.

Jamie was my best friend, she was bound to figure out something was wrong with me sooner or later.

She sat on my bed and continued staring at me.

“What?!” I said furiously, turning to her.

“You know what.” She said coolly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You did something wrong, that’s why you’re so irritable. You’re feeling guilty.”

I sighed. “Why am I so messed up?” I asked her.

“I think it has something to do with the way you were raised.”

“That’s not what you’re supposed to say, you’re supposed to say you’re not messed up, you’re just a little confused right now but not messed up.”

“I’m too lazy to lie to you right now. What’s wrong?”

“I just crave attention from guys, don’t I? I’m a slut; I’m a dirty, sly, little slut.”

Jamie smiled “I don’t disagree but I’m sure you’re just being hard on yourself, you’re probably blowing whatever it is out of proportion.”

“I don’t know why, Jamie…” I shook my head “It’s like I find it so implausible for a guy to like me that I just jump on whoever shows me the slightest affection--”

“You haven’t jumped on James.”

“This is no time for jokes, I did something very bad; very, very bad.” I waited for Jamie to finish rolling her eyes, in her mind I was just over exaggerating. Then I said “I slept with Leon.”

“Leon? Jeremy’s Cousin – Leon?”

I nodded.

“You’re in love with Jeremy, you’re dating Aaron but you slept with Leon. You’re right…You are a slut; you’re a dirty, sly, little slut.”