13. An Attempt To Make Things Right

It had been three days since I returned from Mexico and as much as I hated the idea, it was time to have the talk.

I knocked frantically on Leon’s door till he finally opened. He was standing in front of me in just a towel. “Go dress up, we need to talk.”

“So…” I said when he came back out in a t-shirt and shorts. “First of all, Hi.”

“Hi.”

“I like you, I really like you but not like that.” I just came out and said it. “I still want us to be friends but I don’t want things to be awkward.”

Leon laughed, “That’s just what I was thinking. I didn’t know how to say that to you in case it meant something to you…”

I laughed louder “It meant nothing to me. You were incredible and if I ever need to get laid badly and if neither of us are seeing anyone and I would probably call you. But that’s it, that’s all. No feelings.”

Leon hugged me, “Wow, that’s really good to hear. So let’s just keep this between us because I really think I might have a chance with Allyson.”

I smiled, that was a relief to hear, “You barely even know her.”

“We can change that.”

For a minute, we just stood there hoping everything was back to normal. What now?

“So, I realize I have nothing to say to Aaron, it’s so awkward when we hang out…”

After I left Leon’s, there was something nagging me intense. My actions within the past months had been very, for lack of a better word, slutty. I didn’t know who to talk to, I wanted someone that wouldn’t judge me; that would just listen and give me useful advice and be completely objective. My friends were no use there.

So I went to the only person I think of. Maggie.

“Let me get this straight, you’re dating one guy, in love with another and sleeping with a third one?”

“Not sleeping with a third one, I just slept with the third one…once.”

“Anyone I know?”

“No.” I lied. I didn’t think Maggie would like to know that I was in love with her grandson and had slept with her sister’s grandson.

“There’s nothing wrong with that.” she shrugged, then paused “Actually, there is…it’s incredibly whorish. But you’re twenty; in that case, it’s perfectly normal to be horny and confused. Nothing I’d be worried about.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, tea?” she didn’t wait for an answer as she poured some more tea into my tea cup.

“That is exactly what I wanted to hear.”

“On second thought, this behaviour could come from a place of deep psychological and emotional imbalance. But that’s just a second thought.”

Now that wasn’t what I wanted to hear. “Maggie…explain.”

“Your need for approval from the men you come across probably stems from an absentee father--” she started; she paused and took a sip from her tea which was probably spiked with Vodka. Mine wasn’t. “I suggest you see a therapist.”

“Why?”

“The fact that the second man in your life, the one you’re in love with, you say he chose someone else over you. That was the first time it had happened to you, right? The rejection must have sparked issues of abandonment you weren’t even aware you had. That’s why it’s so confusing. The only other man to reject you was your father, he walked out on you, right?” she didn’t wait for an answer, she just continued. “Until you see a therapist, you’re most probably going to sleep with a whole lot of other men. They will satisfy momentarily but none will fill the void and you’re just going to sleep around till the void is filled, I think I should tell you now…that won’t help.” She took another sip of her tea. “I suggest you see a therapist…or see your father. Get closure.”

I just sat there…dumbfounded.

“More tea?”

This was the first time in my life that I didn’t know what to do, okay that’s a lie. I always never know what to do but this time around I especially didn’t know what to do.

“Aaron is picking me up in a few, I’m sorry I can’t make it.” I told Ally and James. They had just asked me if I would like to go drinking with them.

“You’re not going to be one of those girls, right? The ones that stop hanging out with their friends once they get in a relationship.”

I put on my earrings. “No, that’s not me.”

“Then why have we barely seen any of you since you got together with Aaron?”

“It’s complicated.”

Ally just nodded and James threw a mini tantrum but as soon as Aaron arrived, I was out of there.

We had a pleasant evening. We had dinner, we talked, we fooled around a little and finally we were back to my dorm room.

Aaron pushed aside a stray lock of hair from my face and kissed me “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“I want to but…” I didn’t have an excuse. I just wanted to fall into my bed [alone] and have a good night’s rest.

“But what?”

“Tonight’s no good, tomorrow night I promise.”

Aaron popped an eyebrow and just stared at me, I smiled. “And I promise, I’ll have a special gift for you tomorrow, one that doesn’t come in a box. You’re gonna love it.”

Aaron beamed and took a step back from me, “In that case, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I reached for his hand and pulled him closer and kissed him before sending him on his way.

There was no one in my room when I entered. Perfect.

I took off my clothes and changed into something more comfortable before falling on my bed. I buried my head in my pillow and cried at the absurdity and ridiculousness of the life I was living.

I vaguely remembered being better than who I became, I was so much better. I had amazing friends, a healthy drinking habit and no boy trouble…and especially nobody recommending that I see a therapist. Now, I was avoiding my friends, not drinking as much as I was supposed to and excess of boy troubles, my life was turning into bullshit.

 I cried my eyes out for hours before I heard Ally and Jamie enter the room.

I pretended to be asleep as both girls prepared for bed.

Ally got into her bed and Jamie nudged at me enough to get into mine. She threw her arms around me and before long, she was in slumber land.

This was what my life had become and it’s all Jeremy’s fault. Yes, I’m blaming Jeremy for this.

Hi, my name is Melanie Melbourne…and I just want my life to return to normal.